Brick Wall Crumbles....Discovering Isaac.

From "Isaac King....My Ultimate Brick Wall" - What I have learned in this seemingly never-ending search is that I should reserve all judgement until I have verifiable proof and not get my hopes up. I can recognize my need to know more and be sensitive to my dad and what he may be feeling. It has been a long road and the end is nowhere in sight but I will continue to search until I find that one clue or hint that breaks down that brick wall. I know it's out there...I just have to be patient. I WILL find out who Isaac King was and where he lived."

That is what has been keeping me going the last 16 years. Whenever I started to feel that this search was hopeless, I would think I just had to be patient and I would find him. Well that day finally came and it was so surreal. It was a regular Sunday...nothing special going on when I received a call. It was from the mother of a match I had contacted on Ancestry. I had recently spoke to my dad about his family and realized that there had been some major miscommunication about Issac's last name. It was not King and I could not believe that in all this time, we had the last name wrong. I immediately contacted the cousin that had been communicating with me so far and noticed that she listed this surname in her tree.  In my last message, I had left my phone number to contact me. We begin talking about our connection and family surnames. She asked me what was the name I had for my biological grandfather. When I stated his full name, she responded, Oh! That is my uncle. I was stumped. I was at a loss for words. What was I supposed to say now? It was like my brain stopped working. Thankfully she asked me what I knew about the history between my grandparents. I repeated the story that I was told:

"Isaac and Vera had been dating for a while when she became pregnant. After she had my dad, she went to see Isaac to talk about their future. She found Isaac at another woman's home and he refused to come outside. The woman told her that he did not want to see her and to go home. Vera, in a fit of anger, threw a rock at his car and stormed off. Later she found out she was married and she felt betrayed. Isaac did not want anything to do with them and she never spoke to him again."

She stated that she will reach out to her Uncle and my heart stopped. Until this moment, it never occurred to me that Isaac could be alive. My dad is in his late 60's. I had assumed that Isaac died a long time ago. The knowledge that I have a living grandparent out there was surreal. She went on to say that she will see if he would be willing to speak with me. I am really not sure what I replied with since my mind was still reeling but obviously I gave her some answer that gave the impression that I was okay with whatever she was saying. I could not believe how fast this was going. I called my dad and let him know that I found him. I told my dad that I may get to talk to him soon and did he have any questions. My dad was not interested but told me to call him when I heard something back. 

 I hung up and tried to figure out my next steps. First on the agenda was a Google search with the new surname to see if I could find any new information. BINGO!  I was then able to do some research on Ancestry and find info on his parents and grandparents. It is amazing how the pieces started coming together once I had the correct name. For the first time since I found out that John Keys was not my grandfather, I knew who my ancestors were. It is a surreal experience to have a clear picture of who your family is and that is such a part of how you self-identify and then lose that. You start questioning everything about yourself.  Your quirks and personality become puzzles. Which piece comes from which ancestor? My whole world was rocked when I found out John Keys was not my grandfather. I definitely felt like I had lost a precious part of myself. I was afraid that I would change for the worse because I did not have this person who was the moral compass of the family. Now I was faced with a new living grandpa. I wondered if I was able going to be able to speak to Isaac.How was he going to respond to a new grandchild appearing in his life? Was he going to be open to communicating? Was he going to deny the connection? Was he going to be an ass? I nearly drove myself crazy with questions.  Luckily, within the week, I was able to have a brief conversation with Isaac. He was very accepting and friendly. I asked him about Vera and he told me a different version of the story, however he did not blame everything on my grandma. His version was :

"Vera and I had a relationship. Her dad lived down the street from us. When she became pregnant, I wanted to raise my son but she did not agree. She then left the area and I did not see her again until two years later."

I know from records that my grandma did leave Chicago at this time and moved to Tennessee with a new husband (although she was still legally married to John Keys as they did not officially divorce until the 70's) and they had two children, a son and a daughter, Vera. Baby Vera died a year after she was born. My dad told me he met his dad when he was around 5 and he did not like him. My personal thought was that by this time my dad was being raised by John Keys and was happy with him and did not want another dad. Isaac told me that he spoke to Vera off and on over the years about my dad and checked in until she moved to California in the 60's. He then lost track of them. My personal thought at this time is that there is three sides to every story: his side, her side and the truth. I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle. I figure that Vera was unhappy in her marriage to John and I can't imagine that he was too happy either. The year my dad was conceived, Isaac was 19 and had just lost his own father. I think that they were two people dealing with emotional trauma and leaned on one another but neither was ready or mature enough to deal with the outcome. I think my dad should have a conversation with Isaac because neither of them are getting any younger and it may be their last chance to do it. 

Looking back now, I can now admit that there was no change to who I am. I was raised by good people and they instilled their values into me. In a way it validated my personal ethics and cemented at least for me, who I am and how much pride I have in myself and my family. Regardless of Isaac, I will always be a Keys. My next steps now are to research Isaac's ancestors and figure out their story. I am open to having some type of relationship with Isaac but I am happy with the grandparents I had and I do not feel that I am missing out if that doesn't happen. I have no idea how my dad and brothers feel about Isaac but I would accept whatever decision they make in that regard. The best part of this process is that I now have the names of my paternal ancestors and I get to discover their stories.